Opinions are like assholes...
Growing up, you could say that the hostility between my parents and step-parents was real. Very real.
Some life choices one parent made, the other parent fought against, and it became a vicious cycle of bantering back and forth. A lot of my childhood memories consist of my parents arguing over money or who I was going to see on any given every other weekend, not to mention the not-so-good relationships that my parents held with each other’s significant other.
As I grew up, so did they (well, for the most part).
As I look back, I fear that I could create that same environment for my children or my stepson. I try to make sure I put myself in their shoes, relive the torment I went through, and do my best not to put them through the same thing!
Today, I am coming at you, which most likely is a very unpopular opinion, and that being I think we need to stigma that our exes and/or their significant others are the wicked witches of the west.
I am not perfect in any way when it comes to this mom/step-mom role, but being in the trenches and seeing first hand as a step-daughter and now a stepmother, I can tell you these two things…
One, you are wasting your time and energy getting bent out of shape on the nasty version of this person you are creating in your mind.
Two, at the end of the day, it’s NOT ABOUT YOU, I repeat, it is not about you!
It’s about that beautiful child you were given.
Put yourself in your child’s/stepchildren shoes and ask yourself how you would react to your choices and actions.
It took me a while to get to that point, but now that I am. I have clear boundaries I do not cross, and I also am secure in the relationships with my exes wife along with my husband’s ex-wife.
Some days are always easier than others, but at the end of the day it’s about going to sleep knowing that you did what is best for your children the rest will be just fine!
I would love to hear about your relationship with your kids, stepkids, exes, or their significant others!
PS. If you know someone that could use support in this area would love to know! I have something BIG I am stirring up in the Chaos of Co-Parenting world, and I am welcoming everyone along for the ride!